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Safe space

As you guys might have read earlier, I've been on a path of self-discovery and mental healing. And no, that doesn't mean (at least for me) doing yoga and meditation. It is mostly just taking the time to realize why I'm acting a certain way to certain events.

For that, I need a bit of a safe space. Somewhere where I can discuss and put out my feeling without them being trampled over by people thinking they know better because "it worked for them". So this blog, on this empty website, is my way of doing that. This place is way too secluded for any trolls to accidentally come on it or at least I hope so.

So I come here to write today, because I've realized that for two days in a row, I couldn't do anything. No because I was too tired, or too busy, or any of those poor excuses we keep telling ourselves. No. Simply because I was too anxious to get to it. I try and try and try to get out of my safe space and get projects that I am not quite sure I can deliver all in the hope I might get my name out there and have a few people believing in me, my skills and my projects. But I don't believe in myself. I really never have.

Today, all I had to do was come check on my mold, remove the plaster, clean up the silicone.

But what if the plaster didn't hold?

What if the silicone got damaged or was poured on too thin?

What if my foam head got damaged in the process?(Yes, i'm that cheap)

And the next time I'm going down to my workshop i'm going to have to cast it in resin.

What if the mold is too heavy for me?

What if I don't have enough resin?

What happens if I don't get the resin on time?

How much or how little should I order, because I'm broke, but ordering more would make it cheaper in the end. Which is a great move, only is people actually BUY from me.

And then there's this. Money.

Money is something we don't want to talk about but we all need. And so do I if I want to keep creating. So, like all artists and artisans I'm asked to lower my prices and, sadly, I do, because I wouldn't sell otherwise. But that means I'm running a business on which I make 0 profit. This last project is even COSTING me to make, and no it's not for me. I'm just hoping someone else will need the same design and will make this a great "business investment". I need this to work.

I should probably split this here/

So i'm just going to put here a small list of things that make "asking for a discount" not ok.

-I've had to study for this. And yes, art studies cost money, just like if you were a doctor or a teacher. I have gone to university and I should be paid a decent amount for the skills that I provide.

-I have tools. Those need to be cared for, replaced, or better, bought new for the specific request that you have. No, you will not get those tools once I am done. But I am not making you pay them in full for each project either.

-I need a workshop because doing resin and sculpting and molding on my kitchen table sounds OK when it's for a cosplay each year or two, but not when I have projects going on every week that include potentially harmful chemicals.

-I need not only time but also material to do my craft. All of that comes with a price.

Being an artisan is a bit like running a restaurant. The people at the front they see they pay 20$ a plate of spaghetti that would have cost them 5 to do at home. But the restaurant needs to pay the staff, the rent, the gas, the electricity and better restaurants will hire better chefs at better prices so you have a better dinning experience, and you will pay your plate more and be happy to, because you know it will be done by the right person the right way.

YES, you can find the product out there for cheaper. But if it's cheaper, there's a reason. Don't downplay my work. Don't force me out of my work because you don't wanna pay the right price and force me into debt in order to get a contract. The artisan or artist that you don't wanna pay still has all of those things to pay, just like any "legit" business.

There, I said it.

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